Confessions Of A Scary Mommy Download Ebook PDF Epub Online

Author : Jill Smokler
Publisher : Simon and Schuster
Release : 2012-04-03
Page : 168
Category : Family & Relationships
ISBN 13 : 1451673779
Description :


An irreverent assessment of the dark side of parenting combines original essays and anonymous confessions as posted on the ScaryMommy.com site to encourage women to embrace their own parenting approaches without competing with other moms who only seem to have everything under control.


Author : Jill Smokler
Publisher : Simon and Schuster
Release : 2012-04-03
Page : 176
Category : Family & Relationships
ISBN 13 : 1451673787
Description :


Sometimes I just let my children fall asleep in front of the TV. In a culture that idealizes motherhood, it’s scary to confess that, in your house, being a mother is beautiful and dirty and joyful and frustrating all at once. Admitting that it’s not easy doesn’t make you a bad mom; at least, it shouldn’t. If I can’t survive my daughter as a toddler, how the hell am I going to get through the teenage years? When Jill Smokler was first home with her small children, she thought her blog would be something to keep friends and family updated. To her surprise, she hit a chord in the hearts of mothers everywhere. I end up doing my son’s homework. It’s wrong, but so much easier. Total strangers were contributing their views on that strange reality called motherhood. As other women shared their stories, Jill realized she wasn’t alone in her feelings of exhaustion and imperfection. My eighteen month old still can’t say “Mommy” but used the word “shit” in perfect context. But she sensed her readers were still holding back, so decided to start an anonymous confessional, a place where real moms could leave their most honest thoughts without fearing condemnation. I pretend to be happy but I cry every night in the shower. The reactions were amazing: some sad, some pee-in-your-pants funny, some brutally honest. But they were real, not a commercial glamorization. I clock out of motherhood at 8 P.M. and hide in the basement with my laptop and a beer. If you’re already a fan, lock the bathroom door on your whining kids, run a bubble bath, and settle in. If you’ve not encountered Scary Mommy before, break out a glass of champagne as well, because you’ll be toasting your initiation into a select club. I know why some animals eat their young. In chapters that cover husbands (The Biggest Baby of Them All) to homework (Didn’t I Already Graduate?), Confessions of a Scary Mommy combines all-new essays from Jill with the best of the anonymous confessions. Sometimes I wish my son was still little—then I hear kids screaming at the store. As Jill says, “We like to paint motherhood as picture perfect. A newborn peacefully resting on his mother’s chest. A toddler taking tentative first steps into his mother’s loving arms. A mother fluffing her daughter’s prom dress. These moments are indeed miraculous and joyful; they can also be few and far between.” Of course you adore your kids. Of course you would lay down your life for them. But be honest now: Have you ever wondered what possessed you to sign up for the job of motherhood? STOP! DO NOT OPEN THIS BOOK UNTIL YOU RECITE THESE VOWS! I shall remember that no mother is perfect and my children will thrive because, and sometimes even in spite, of me. I shall not preach to a fellow mother who has not asked my opinion. It’s none of my damn business. I shall maintain a sense of humor about all things motherhood.


Author : Trisha Ashworth
Amy Nobile
Publisher : Chronicle Books
Release : 2010-07-01
Page : 176
Category : Family & Relationships
ISBN 13 : 9780811871662
Description :


I don't know how she does it! is an oft-heard refrain about mothers today. Funnily enough, most moms agree they have no idea how they get it done, or whether they even want the job. Trisha Ashworth and Amy Nobile spoke to mothers of every stripe--working, stay-at-home, part-time--and found a surprisingly similar trend in their interviews. After enthusing about her lucky life for twenty minutes, a mother would then break down and admit that her child's first word was "Shrek." As one mom put it, "Am I happy? The word that describes me best is challenged." Fresh from the front lines of modern motherhood comes a book that uncovers the guilty secrets of moms today . . . in their own words. I Was a Really Good Mom Before I Had Kids diagnoses the craziness and offers real solutions, so that mothers can step out of the madness and learn to love motherhood as much as they love their kids.


Author : Nicole Feliciano
Publisher : Mango Media Inc.
Release : 2016-09-13
Page : 170
Category : Business & Economics
ISBN 13 : 163353393X
Description :


Mom Boss — Super Mom, Great Business Woman ---------- Entrepreneurial Mom: Learn how to be a super mom and a great business woman in a step-by-step guide to developing, incubating, and marketing your business without taking the joy out of family life with kids—being an active parent while succeeding as a woman business entrepreneur. Badass Business Woman: Where Sophia Amoruso’s #GirlBoss left off for young millennials breaking into the business world, Mom Boss picks up and continues the mission for all the entrepreneurial moms out there. Mom Boss proves that being successful isn’t about degrees or sacrifices, it’s about balance and power. It’s where instinct meets intelligence. Every mom has it in her to be a badass business woman. Nicole Feliciano charts the course for building a successful career without sacrificing being a great mom. Mom Boss: The first book by Nicole Feliciano the Founder & CEO of Momtrends Media. Momtrends Media provides busy women with a daily dose of style. Each day Nicole and her team of editors, interpret trends for moms, keeping in mind that modern women want to look and feel great, but they are working with less time and less energy than they had before the kids came along. Nicole and her team are there to help and inspire women to look and feel their best. Social media is her playground, and she's built a loyal following by making fashion fun and accessible. Successful Business Woman: Before launching Momtrends Media, Nicole graduated from Vanderbilt University with a degree in English Literature, and spent a decade working in fashion -- most notably as an executive with Polo Ralph Lauren. When she became a mom in 2005, the business woman and fashion maven embarked on her social media career and began contributing to Babble.com, Time Out New York Kids, and many more online publications. Seeing a void in the blogosphere, she launched Momtrends.com in 2007. Momtrends continues to be the cornerstone of her media empire. Mom Boss includes: • tips on how to develop, incubate, and market your business without taking the joy out of family life • valuable self assessment exercises • step by step advise, inspiration, and tried and true business and personal tips • insights into how to be a successful and happy business woman and mom


Author : Karen Alpert
Publisher : Harper Collins
Release : 2014-04-08
Page : 304
Category : Humor
ISBN 13 : 0062341618
Description :


Following the success of Go the F**k to Sleep, Confessions of a Scary Mommy, and Ketchup Is a Vegetable, a collection of funny, warm, and charmingly profane tales from the frontlines of parenthood by the author of the popular Baby Sideburns blog. Once upon a time you and your partner had a perfect life: dinners out, weekend mornings cuddling in bed, brunch with friends. Then you gave birth to a poop machine (or two). Now, it's all about the pediatrician, breast pumps, princess dresses, and minivans. And discovering that your pride and joy is actually a little A-hole. When your son wakes you up at 3:00 A.M. because he wants to watch Caillou, he's an a-hole. When your daughter outlines every corner of your living room with a purple crayon, she's an a-hole. When your rug rats purposely paint the kitchen ceiling with their smoothies, they're a-holes. At times like these, it's only natural to want to kill them (or yourself). But it's against the law (and there's the suicide hotline). Plus, there's that whole loving them more than anything in the whole world thing. In I Heart My Little A-Holes, Karen Alpert shares hilarious stories, lists, and deep thoughts on the joys and horrors of raising children. Accompanied by cheery illustrations and photos I Heart My Little A-Holes will make you laugh so hard you'll wish you were wearing a diaper.


Author : Kate Rope
Publisher : St. Martin's Griffin
Release : 2018-05-01
Page : 320
Category : Health & Fitness
ISBN 13 : 1250105595
Description :


Expert, practical advice for complete mental and physical maternal health Kate Rope's Strong as a Mother is a practical and compassionate guide to preparing for a smooth start to motherhood. Everyone knows the secret to having “the Happiest Baby on the Block.” This is your guide to being the Sanest Mommy on the Block. It will prepare you with humor and grace for what lies ahead, give you the tools you need to take care of yourself, permission to struggle at times, and professional advice on how to move through it when you do. This book will become a dog-eared resource on your nightstand, offering you the same care and support that you are working so hard to provide to your child. It will help you prioritize your emotional health, set boundaries and ask for help, make choices about feeding and childcare that feel good to you, get good sleep, create a strong relationship with your partner, make self care an everyday priority, trust your instincts, and actually enjoy the hardest job you will ever love. This book is here to take care of you.


Author : Heidi Raykeil
Publisher : Seal Press
Release : 2010-01-08
Page : 320
Category : Family & Relationships
ISBN 13 : 0786750693
Description :


Sex. After. Baby. These three words are whispered by mothers everywhere who find themselves stumped and shocked by the state of their sex lives. Naughty Mommy Heidi Raykeil has been down that road and chronicles her experiences in her online column Sex in the Suburbs. Raykeil knows firsthand that there are still plenty of things our mothers (and friends, and doctors) don’t tell us about motherhood, but that every mother should know. While the media continues to bombard us with images of sex everywhere we turn, the reality for married couples with children today is much different. Do-it-all-moms seem to be doing everything except IT. Raykeil is out to change that. Confessions of a Naughty Mommy is a funny, honest, and sexy account of Raykeil’s search for her missing libido—lost in action after she gave birth to her daughter. She takes readers along on her journey from mystified and frustrated new mom through the bumpy awkwardness of reigniting the home fires during naptime and date night to a newfound discovery and appreciation of sex after baby. With humor, grit, and style, she shares what has worked for her and her husband, as they balance their dual roles of parents and lovers.


Author : Jenny Feldon
Publisher : Sourcebooks, Inc.
Release : 2013-11-05
Page : 336
Category : Biography & Autobiography
ISBN 13 : 1402284233
Description :


In the tradition of Holy Cow and Undress Me in the Temple of Heaven, a fascinating travel memoir of finding yourself in the India of rickshaws and rainy seasons. Jenny was miserable, and it was all India's fault...until she realized it wasn't. When Jenny's husband gets transferred to India for work, she looks forward to a new life filled with glamorous expat friends and exciting adventures. What she doesn't expect is endless bouts of food poisoning, buffalo in the streets, and crippling loneliness in one of the most densely populated countries in the world. Ten thousand miles away from home, Jenny struggles to fight off depression and anger as her sense of self and her marriage begin to unravel. But after months of bitterness and takeout pizza, Jenny realizes what the universe has been trying to tell her all along: India doesn't need to change. She does. Equal parts frustration, absurdity, and revelation, this is the true story of a Starbucks-loving city girl finding beauty in the chaos and making her way in the land of karma.


Author : Karen Kleiman
Publisher : Workman Publishing
Release : 2019-07-19
Page : 160
Category : Self-Help
ISBN 13 : 1641701528
Description :


Over 90 percent of new mothers will have scary, intrusive thoughts about their baby and themselves. What if I drop him? What if I snap and hurt my baby? Mothering is so hard—I don't know if I really want to do this anymore. Gosh, I'm so terrible for thinking that! Yet for too many mothers, those thoughts remain secret, hidden away in a place of shame that can quickly grow into anxiety, postpartum depression, and even self-harm. But here's the good news: you CAN feel better! Author Karen Kleiman—coauthor of the seminal book This Isn't What I Expected and founder of the acclaimed Postpartum Stress Center—comes to the aid of new mothers everywhere with a groundbreaking new source of hope, compassion, and expert help. Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts is packed with world-class guidance, simple exercises, and nearly 50 stigma-busting cartoons from the viral #speakthesecret campaign that help new moms validate their feelings, share their fears, and start feeling better. Lighthearted yet serious, warm yet not sugary, and perfectly portioned for busy moms with full plates, Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts is the go-to resource for moms, partners, and families everywhere who need help with this difficult period.


Author : Janelle Hanchett
Publisher : Hachette Books
Release : 2018-05-01
Page : 320
Category : Biography & Autobiography
ISBN 13 : 0316549436
Description :


"A refreshingly raw, contrasting perspective on the foolproof idea of motherhood."--POPSUGAR "By turns painful and funny... A searingly candid memoir."--Kirkus "Far from your cookie-cutter story of addiction... [I'm Just Happy to Be Here] describes Hanchett's journey to recovery and sobriety in imperfect and unconventional ways."--Bustle In this unflinching and wickedly funny memoir, Janelle Hanchett tells the story of finding her way home. And then, actually staying there. Drawing us into the wild, heartbreaking mind of the addict, Hanchett carries us from motherhood at 21 with a man she'd known three months to cubicles and whiskey-laden domesticity, from judging meth addicts in rehab to therapists who "seem to pull diagnoses out of large, expensive hats." With warmth, wit, and searing B.S. detectors turned mostly toward herself, Hanchett invites us to laugh when we probably shouldn't and to rejoice at the unconventional redemption she finds in desperation and in a misfit mentor who forces her to see the truth of herself. A story of ego and forced humility, of fierce honesty and jagged love, of the kind of failure that forces us to re-create our lives, Hanchett writes with rare candor, scorching the "sanctity of motherhood," and leaving beauty in the ashes.


Author : Melissa Shultz
Publisher : Sourcebooks, Inc.
Release : 2016-07-05
Page : 224
Category : Self-Help
ISBN 13 : 1492618446
Description :


Live your best life—even after your kids leave home When her children left for college, Melissa Shultz was certain that she had prepared them well for their new lives-but her own life was a different matter entirely. Her house was empty, her purpose unclear. If her life was no longer dominated by the day-to-day demands of being "Mom," then who exactly was she? And how would she ever move forward? From Mom to Me Again is the story of one woman's reinvention. Shultz's struggle with the empty nest and the transformation of her marriage, friendships, career, and ultimately herself, is part memoir and part self-help guide. Funny, poignant, and practical, this book tells Shultz's personal story and provides valuable advice for readers preparing to send their children off into the world. She shows women that while they'll always be mothers, it's time for them to take center stage in their own lives once again.


Author : Amber Dusick
Publisher : Harlequin
Release : 2013-04-01
Page : 224
Category : Family & Relationships
ISBN 13 : 1460309863
Description :


"The drawings aren't very good, Mama." —Crappy Boy, age 5 Of course you love being a parent. But sometimes, it just sucks. I know. I'm Amber Dusick and I started my blog Parenting: Illustrated with Crappy Pictures because I needed a place to vent about the funny (and frustrating) day-to-day things that happened to me as a parent. Turns out, poop is hilarious! At least when you're not the one wiping it up. This book won't make your frustrating moments any less crappy. But these stories about my Crappy Baby, Crappy Boy and my husband, Crappy Papa, will hopefully make you laugh. Because you're not alone. And sometimes the crappiest moments make the best memories. Parenting is wonderful! And also, well, you know.


Author : Nicole Knepper
Publisher : Penguin
Release : 2013-04-02
Page : 336
Category : Biography & Autobiography
ISBN 13 : 110165094X
Description :


If you feel like your kids are killing you, you’ve come to the right place. This irreverant, hilarious guide to the trials of motherhood makes the perfect gift for mom—or any woman with a huge heart and a mouth that sometimes needs washing out with soap. Attention all potty-mouthed, cheap-wine-drinking mothers: Prepare to meet your match. Any bad thought you’ve had about your kids, Nicole Knepper has had worse. Much worse. It’s not that she doesn’t love her kids. It’s that she understands what a mind-f*?% it can be to try to civilize those wild little beasts. Based on her hugely popular Facebook page, “Moms Who Drink and Swear,” this book reveals why family dinners are like herpes, how to avoid smashing toys that are being fought over, and the joy of hearing that your son has murdered his imaginary friend. As Nicole rants and raves about caring for children (without crushing their souls), family togetherness (without too many tears), the saving grace of girlfriends (and vodka), and love and marriage (and all the baggage that goes with them), she gets to the heart of what every exasperated mom is thinking, just much funnier.


Author : Meredith Tate
Publisher : Penguin
Release : 2020-02-11
Page : 368
Category : Young Adult Fiction
ISBN 13 : 1984813501
Description :


If I Stay meets One of Us is Lying in this gripping contemporary thriller. When band-geek Ivy and her friends get together, things start with a rousing board game and end with arguments about Star Wars. Her older sister Autumn is a different story. Enigmatic, aloof, and tough as nails, Autumn hasn't had real friends--or trusted anyone--in years. Even Ivy. But Autumn might not be tough enough. After a drug deal gone wrong, Autumn is beaten, bound, and held hostage. Now, trapped between life and death, she leaves her body, seeking help. No one can sense her presence--except her sister. When Autumn doesn't come home, Ivy just knows she's in trouble. Unable to escape the chilling feeling that something isn't right, Ivy follows a string of clues that bring her closer to rescuing her sister... and closer to danger. Autumn needs Ivy to find her before time runs out. But soon, both sisters realize that finding her also means untangling the secrets that lead to the truth--about where they're hiding Autumn, and what Autumn has been hiding.


Author : Brooke Shields
Publisher : Penguin
Release : 2014-11-18
Page : 416
Category : Biography & Autobiography
ISBN 13 : 0698186230
Description :


The perfect gift for Brooke Shields fans, There Was a Little Girl explores Brooke's relationship with her unforgettable mother, Teri, in this extraordinary, heartfelt memoir that became a New York Times bestseller. Brooke Shields never had what anyone would consider an ordinary life. She was raised by her Newark-tough single mom, Teri, a woman who loved the world of show business and was often a media sensation all by herself. Brooke's iconic modeling career began by chance when she was only eleven months old, and Teri's skills as both Brooke's mother and her manager were formidable. But in private she was troubled and drank heavily. As Brooke became an adult the pair made choices and sacrifices that would affect their relationship forever. And when Brooke’s own daughters were born she found that her experience as a mother was shaped in every way by the woman who raised her. But despite the many ups and downs, Brooke was by Teri’s side when she died in 2012, a loving daughter until the end. Only Brooke knows the truth of the remarkable, difficult, complicated woman who was her mother. And now, in an honest, open memoir about her life growing up, Brooke will reveal stories and feelings that are relatable to anyone who has been a mother or daughter.


Author :
Publisher : Throat_punch Books
Release : 2013-02-27
Page : 196
Category : Child rearing
ISBN 13 : 9780988408036
Description :


Subtitle on cover: A collection of hilarious essays about motherhood.


Author : Dena Higley
Publisher : Thomas Nelson
Release : 2012-04-30
Page : 256
Category : Religion
ISBN 13 : 0849964008
Description :


Every mom has felt the need to be perfect. MOMAHOLIC is one woman’s private, dramatic, and often comical invitation to peek inside a time in her life where everything fell apart and she had to take an honest look at what she was doing right and what she’d been doing terribly wrong. With this simple discovery, her whacky family’s season of becoming unraveled found a new glue (other than her blood, sweat and tears) that would re-bond her family and unite them in a deeper and more functional way than ever before. The real life characters: A MOM who is literally the head writer of a network soap opera... at work and at home A HUSBAND who expects perfection from his kids and his wife, but who has the wisdom to know he’s being unrealistic and yet, can’t help but scratch his head in frustration as his family’s troubles seem to spiral out of his control An autistic SON A popular DAUGHTER who is suddenly pregnant An ADOPTED DAUGHTER pulled from the jungles of Vietnam with no leg below the right knee and fingers fused together An ADOPTED SON from Ethiopia, rescued from the streets at the age of 9. This is a story showing the speed with which a “normal” family can fall apart. No one dies. No one gets kidnapped. They just have to deal with each of their own issues....and then one unwanted and unplanned pregnancy. This was a church-going family whose kids were taught abstinence until marriage. With the family running around as the tornado sirens roared warnings to take cover, mother, Miss Drama, becomes the biggest mess of all and ends up finding a whole new freedom for her soul.


Author : Ann Imig
Publisher : Penguin
Release : 2015-04-07
Page : 256
Category : Family & Relationships
ISBN 13 : 0698157648
Description :


Irreverent, thought-provoking, hilarious, and edgy: a collection of personal stories celebrating motherhood, featuring #1 New York Times bestselling authors Jenny Lawson and Jennifer Weiner, and many other notable writers. Listen to Your Mother is a fantastic awakening of why our mothers are important, taking readers on a journey through motherhood in all of its complexity, diversity, and humor. Based on the sensational national performance movement, Listen to Your Mother showcases the experiences of ordinary people of all racial, gender, and age backgrounds, from every corner of the country. This collection of essays celebrates and validates what it means to be a mother today, with honesty and candor that is arrestingly stimulating and refreshing. The stories are raw, honest, poignant, and sometimes raunchy, ranging from adoption, assimilation to emptying nests; first-time motherhood, foster-parenting, to infertility; single-parenting, LGBTQ parenting, to special-needs parenting; step-mothering; never mothering, to surrogacy; and mothering through illness to mothering through unsolicited advice. Honest, funny, and heart-wrenching, these personal stories are the collective voice of mothers among us. Whether you are one, have one, or know one, Listen to Your Mother is an emotional whirlwind that is guaranteed to entertain, amuse, and enlighten.


Author : Amie Klempnauer Miller
Publisher : Beacon Press
Release : 2010-05-04
Page : 256
Category : Family & Relationships
ISBN 13 : 0807004707
Description :


After ten years of talking about children, two years of trying (and failing) to conceive, and one shot of donor sperm for her partner, Amie Miller was about to become a mother. Or something like that. Over the next nine months, as her partner became the biological mom-to-be, Miller became . . . what? Mommy's little helper? A faux dad? As a midwestern, station wagon-driving, stay-at-home mom—and as a nonbiological lesbian mother—Miller both defines and defies the norm. Like new parents everywhere, she wrestled with the anxieties and challenges of first-time parenthood-including neurotic convictions that her child was chronically ill and the muddled confusion of sleeplessness. But unlike most mothers, she experienced pregnancy and birth only vicariously. Unlike biological parents, she had to stand before a judge to adopt her own daughter. And unlike most straight parents, she wondered how to respond when strangers gushed, "I bet Daddy's proud," or "She has your eyes." Miller began searching for a role that would fit her experience, somewhere in the unexplored zone between mother and father, gay and straight. Sometimes she felt like a dad in drag, other times like a lesbian June Cleaver. Through it all, she and her partner became something new—even as the presence of a baby rattled the bones of their eighteen-year relationship. Part love story, part comedy, part quest, Miller's candid and often humorous memoir is a much-needed cultural roadmap to what it means to become a parent, even when the usual categories do not fit. From the Hardcover edition.


Author : Bunmi Laditan
Publisher : Simon and Schuster
Release : 2013-05-07
Page : 256
Category : Humor
ISBN 13 : 1476733724
Description :


As seen on Good Morning America, the irreverent, bracingly honest, and “awfully funny” (The Boston Globe) satirical parenting guide from the Internet’s most infamous tot, whose unchecked sense of entitlement and undeniable charm have captivated hundreds of thousands of fans. Are you the confused parent of a toddler? Are you constantly disappointing the 2T in your life? Are you tired, stressed out, and looking for relief? I can’t help you with that last one, but if you want to become an A+ servant to your small child, this book is for you. Who better to teach you about toddlers than another toddler? In this book you’ll learn: • How time-outs make you look like a fool • Why potty training is not only unnecessary but unrealistic for children under eighteen • Why toddler beds are OUT and letting your child sleep on the diagonal in your bed is IN • The best way to apologize to your toddler for all of those Pinterest casseroles • That when you love someone, you accept them as they are, pants or no pants The hard-hitting knowledge in The Honest Toddler will save you thousands of dollars in unnecessary whole grains and toothbrushes. Happy reading. You’re doing the right thing. For once.