My Horizontal Life Download Ebook PDF Epub Online

Author : Chelsea Handler
Publisher : Grand Central Publishing
Release : 2013-04-30
Page : 240
Category : Humor
ISBN 13 : 1455577529
Description :


In this raucous collection of true-life stories, Chelsea Handler recounts her time spent in the social trenches with that wild, strange, irresistible, and often gratifying beast: the one-night stand. You've either done it or know someone who has: the one-night stand, the familiar outcome of a night spent at a bar, sometimes the sole payoff for your friend's irritating wedding, or the only relief from a disastrous vacation. Often embarrassing and uncomfortable, occasionally outlandish, but most times just a necessary and irresistible evil, the one-night stand is a social rite as old as sex itself and as common as a bar stool. Enter Chelsea Handler. Gorgeous, sharp, and anything but shy, Chelsea loves men and lots of them. My Horizontal Life chronicles her romp through the different bedrooms of a variety of suitors, a no-holds-barred account of what can happen between a man and a sometimes very intoxicated, outgoing woman during one night of passion. From her short fling with a Vegas stripper to her even shorter dalliance with a well-endowed little person, from her uncomfortable tryst with a cruise ship performer to her misguided rebound with a man who likes to play leather dress-up, Chelsea recalls the highs and lows of her one-night stands with hilarious honesty. Encouraged by her motley collection of friends (aka: her partners in crime) but challenged by her family members (who at times find themselves a surprise part of the encounter), Chelsea hits bottom and bounces back, unafraid to share the gritty details. My Horizontal Life is one guilty pleasure you won't be ashamed to talk about in the morning.


Author : Chelsea Handler
Publisher : Bloomsbury Publishing USA
Release : 2005-06-06
Page : 213
Category : Biography & Autobiography
ISBN 13 : 1582346186
Description :


The author shares a collection of true-life stories about her romps through the bedrooms of a variety of suitors, documenting her brief encounters with a Vegas stripper, a well-endowed little person, and a cruise ship performer.


Author : Chelsea Handler
Publisher : Random House
Release : 2014-06-19
Page : 224
Category : Biography & Autobiography
ISBN 13 : 1448165644
Description :


'Many people feel like a one-night stand is something to be ashamed or embarrassed of. I disagree...' We've all (well not quite all, perhaps) had at least one: a one-night stand. Often embarrassing and uncomfortable, occasionally outlandish, but most times just a necessary and irresistible evil, the one-night-stand is a social rite as old as sex itself and as common as a bar stool. Enter Chelsea Handler. Gorgeous, sharp, and anything but shy, Chelsea loves men... Lots of them. My Horizontal Life chronicles Chelsea's romps through the bedrooms of a host of potential suitors, uncovering what can happen in one night of passion between a man and a sometimes very intoxicated woman. From her short fling with a Vegas stripper named Thunder to her even shorter fling with a very short man, she recalls her myriad one-night stands with hilarious honesty. My Horizontal Life is a sensationally frank and funny memoir of sexual life, and a gloriously quirky take on why we do the things we do. Whether you have been there yourself or not, its one guilty pleasure you won't be ashamed to talk about in the morning...


Author : Chelsea Handler
Publisher : Simon and Schuster
Release : 2009-12-29
Page : 264
Category : Biography & Autobiography
ISBN 13 : 1416596364
Description :


The comedienne star of the Chelsea Handler Show describes her experiences with misbegotten boyfriends, her eccentric mixed-religion parents and the working world, a lifetime marked by numerous inebriated misadventures. Reprint. A #1 best-seller.


Author : Chelsea Handler
Publisher : Grand Central Publishing
Release : 2014-03-04
Page : 272
Category : Humor
ISBN 13 : 1455599727
Description :


Wherever Chelsea Handler travels, one thing is certain: she always ends up in the land of the ridiculous. Now, in this uproarious collection, she sneaks her sharp wit through airport security and delivers her most absurd and hilarious stories ever. On safari in Africa, it's anyone's guess as to what's more dangerous: the wildlife or Chelsea. But whether she's fumbling the seduction of a guide by not knowing where tigers live (Asia, duh) or wearing a bathrobe into the bush because her clothes stopped fitting seven margaritas ago, she's always game for the next misadventure. The situation gets down and dirty as she defiles a kayak in the Bahamas, and outright sweaty as she escapes from a German hospital on crutches. When things get truly scary, like finding herself stuck next to a passenger with bad breath, she knows she can rely on her family to make matters even worse. Thank goodness she has the devoted Chunk by her side-except for the time she loses him in Telluride. Complete with answers to the most frequently asked traveler's questions, hot travel trips, and travel etiquette, none of which should be believed, UGANDA BE KIDDING ME has Chelsea taking on the world, one laugh-out-loud incident at a time.


Author : Chelsea Handler
Publisher : Grand Central Publishing
Release : 2010-04-01
Page : 256
Category : Humor
ISBN 13 : 0446563536
Description :


In these personal essays, the hilarious comedian and Chelsea Lately host reflects on family, love life, and the absurdities of adulthood with "cheeky candor" and signature wit (Philadelphia Inquirer). Life doesn't get more hilarious than when Chelsea Handler takes aim with her irreverent wit. Who else would send all-staff emails to smoke out the dumbest people on her show? Now, in this new collection of original essays, the #1 bestselling author of Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea delivers one laugh-out-loud moment after another as she sets her sights on the ridiculous side of childhood, adulthood, and daughterhood. Family moments are fair game, whether it's writing a report on Reaganomics to earn a Cabbage Patch doll, or teaching her father social graces by ordering him to stay indoors. It's open season on her love life, from playing a prank on her boyfriend (using a ravioli, a fake autopsy, and the Santa Monica pier) to adopting a dog so she can snuggle with someone who doesn't talk. And everyone better duck for cover when her beach vacation turns into matchmaking gone wild. Outrageously funny and deliciously wicked, Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang is good good good good! Chelsea Handler on . . . Being unpopular: "My parents couldn't have been more unreasonable when it came to fads or clothes that weren't purchased at a pharmacy." Living with her boyfriend: "He's similar to a large toddler, the only difference being he doesn't cry when he wakes up." Appreciating her brother: "He's a certified public accountant, and I have a real life." Arm-wrestling a maid of honor: "It wasn't her strength that intimidated me. It was the starry way her eyes focused on me, like Mike Tyson getting ready to feed."


Author : Friends Chelsea's Family, and Other Victims
Publisher : Borderline Amazing/A Chelsea Handler Book
Release : 2011-05-10
Page : 304
Category : Humor
ISBN 13 : 1455504653
Description :


"My tendency to make up stories and lie compulsively for the sake of my own amusement takes up a good portion of my day and provides me with a peace of mind not easily attainable in this economic climate."--Chelsea Handler, from Chapter 10 of Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang It's no lie: Chelsea Handler loves to smoke out "dumbassness," the condition people suffer from that allows them to fall prey to her brand of complete and utter nonsense. Friends, family, co-workers--they've all been tricked by Chelsea into believing stories of total foolishness and into behaving like total fools. Luckily, they've lived to tell the tales and, for the very first time, write about them.


Author : Ross Mathews
Publisher : Grand Central Publishing
Release : 2013-05-07
Page : 204
Category : Humor
ISBN 13 : 1455501794
Description :


As a young kid growing up in a farm town, Ross Mathews might as well have wished for a pet unicorn or a calorie-free cookie tree to grow in his front yard. Either of those far-fetched fantasies would have been more likely to come true than his real dream: working in television in Hollywood, California. Seriously, that stuff just doesn't happen to people like Ross. But guess what. It totally did. Now, with his first book, Ross takes us inside his journey as a super-fan, revealing the most embarrassing and hilarious moments of his small-town life and big-city adventures. From learning to swear like a hardened trucker to that time in high school when had to face down the most frightening opponent of all (his girlfriend's lady bits), Ross holds nothing back. Oh, then there's his surprisingly shady past involving the cutest pair of plus-sized women's pajama bottoms, deliciously dangerous pot butter, and embezzled sandwiches. And, of course, how he's managed to turn an obsession with pop-culture into one-on-one interactions with celebrities like Gwyneth Paltrow, Tiffani-Amber Theissen, Madonna, Michelle Kwan, and countless more without ever having a single restraining order issued against him. Infused with Ross's trademark humor, unique voice, and total honesty, MAN UP! is a mission statement for anyone who doesn't fit the mold. His hasn't been the most traditional way to build a career in Hollywood, but Ross has somehow managed to make his mark without ever compromising who he is. He is as serious about this as he is about Golden Girls trivia: You don't need to change who you are to achieve your dreams (although there's nothing wrong with a makeover every now and then). You just need to Man Up!


Author : Chelsea Handler
Publisher : Dial Press
Release : 2019-04-09
Page : 256
Category : Biography & Autobiography
ISBN 13 : 0525511784
Description :


#1 NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • The funny, sad, super-honest, all-true story of Chelsea Handler’s year of self-discovery—featuring a nerdily brilliant psychiatrist, a shaman, four Chow Chows, some well-placed security cameras, various family members (living and departed), friends, assistants, and a lot of edibles A SKIMM READS PICK • “This will be one of your favorite books of all time.”—Amy Schumer In a haze of vape smoke on a rare windy night in L.A. in the fall of 2016, Chelsea Handler daydreams about what life will be like with a woman in the White House. And then Donald Trump happens. In a torpor of despair, she decides that she’s had enough of the privileged bubble she’s lived in—a bubble within a bubble—and that it’s time to make some changes, both in her personal life and in the world at large. At home, she embarks on a year of self-sufficiency—learning how to work the remote, how to pick up dog shit, where to find the toaster. She meets her match in an earnest, brainy psychiatrist and enters into therapy, prepared to do the heavy lifting required to look within and make sense of a childhood marked by love and loss and to figure out why people are afraid of her. She becomes politically active—finding her voice as an advocate for change, having difficult conversations, and energizing her base. In the process, she develops a healthy fixation on Special Counsel Robert Mueller and, through unflinching self-reflection and psychological excavation, unearths some glittering truths that light up the road ahead. Thrillingly honest, insightful, and deeply, darkly funny, Chelsea Handler’s memoir keeps readers laughing, even as it inspires us to look within and ask ourselves what really matters in our own lives. Praise for Life Will Be the Death of Me “You thought you knew Chelsea Handler—and she thought she knew herself—but in her new book, she discovers that true progress lies in the direction we haven’t been.”—Gloria Steinem “I always wondered what it would be like to watch Chelsea Handler in session with her therapist. Now I know.”—Ellen DeGeneres “I love this book not just because it made me laugh or because I learned that I feel the same way about certain people in politics as Chelsea does. I love this book because I feel like I finally really got to know Chelsea Handler after all these years. Thank you for sharing, Chelsea!”—Tiffany Haddish


Author : Heather McDonald
Publisher : Simon and Schuster
Release : 2014-02-11
Page : 272
Category : Biography & Autobiography
ISBN 13 : 1451672233
Description :


A comedy writer on the televison show "Chelsea Lately" shares her misadventures with married life and parenthood, describing her relationship with next-door parents, her baby-seeking sister, and judgmental neighborhood moms.


Author : Jonas Stark
Publisher : Can Akdeniz
Release : 2014-07-11
Page : 66
Category : Self-Help
ISBN 13 : 1500489549
Description :


The Alpha Book will explain the traits of an alpha, including charisma, the process of making strong and rightful decisions, how to best communicate with others at multiple levels, and how to turn your daily actions into fruitful prospects. Each of these traits is going to be explained in separate chapters, followed by examples of how to develop them in a creative way and apply them in your day-to-day activities.


Author : William Bernhardt
Publisher : Babylon Books
Release : 2013-05-12
Page : 144
Category : Language Arts & Disciplines
ISBN 13 : 099790108X
Description :


All fiction is character-driven, according to William Bernhardt, despite what you might have heard elsewhere. If your characters don’t interest readers, even the most exciting plots will fail. “Action is character,” Aristotle wrote, but what does that mean, and how can you use that fundamental principle to create dynamic fiction that will captivate readers? This book explains the relationship between character and plot, and how the perfect melding of the two produces a mesmerizing story. Using examples spanning from The Odyssey to The Da Vinci Code, Bernhardt discusses the art of character creation in a direct and easily comprehended manner. The book also includes exercises designed to help writers apply these ideas to their own work. William Bernhardt is the author of more than fifty novels, including the blockbuster Ben Kincaid series of legal thrillers. Bernhardt is also one of the most sought-after writing instructors in the nation. His programs have educated many authors now published by major houses. He is the only person to have received the Southern Writers Gold Medal Award, the Royden B. Davis Distinguished Author Award (U Penn) and the H. Louise Cobb Distinguished Author Award (OSU), which is given "in recognition of an outstanding body of work that has profoundly influenced the way in which we understand ourselves and American society at large." The Red Sneaker Writing Center is dedicated to helping writers achieve their literary goals. What is a red sneaker writer? A committed writer seeking useful instruction and guidance rather than obfuscation and attitude. Red sneakers get the job done, and so do red sneaker writers, by paying close attention to their art and craft, committing to hard work, and never quitting. Are you a red sneaker writer? If so, this book is for you.


Author : Upton Sinclair
Publisher : Applewood Books
Release : 2008-08
Page : 452
Category : Cooking
ISBN 13 : 1429014873
Description :


Upton Sinclair, one of America's foremost and most prolific authors, addresses the cultivation of the mind and the body in this 1922 volume. Sinclair's goal was to attempt to tell the reader how to live, how to find health, happiness and success, and how to develop fully both the mind and the body. Part One: The Book of the Mind covers such subjects as faith, reason, morality, and the subconscious. Part Two: The Book of the Body develops such subjects as errors in diet, the fasting cure, food and poisons, work and play, and diseases and their cures .


Author : Micki McGee
Publisher : Oxford University Press on Demand
Release : 2005-09-08
Page : 288
Category : Self-Help
ISBN 13 : 0195171241
Description :


Why doesn't self-help help? Millions of people turn to self-improvement when they find that their lives aren't working out quite as they had imagined. The market for self-improvement products - books, audiotapes, life-makeover seminars and regimens of all kinds - is exploding, and there seems to be no end in sight for this trend. In "Self-Help, Inc.: Makeover Culture in American Life", cultural critic Micki McGee asks what our seemingly insatiable demand for self-help can tell us about ourselves at the outset of this new century. The answers are surprising. Rather than finding an America that is narcissistic or self-involved, as others have contended, McGee sees a nation relying on self-help culture for advice on how to cope in an increasingly volatile and competitive work world. For Americans today, a central component of working has become working on themselves. "Be all one can be," they are told. Build your own personal brand. As women have entered the paid labor force in growing numbers, the Protestant work ethic has been augmented by a Romantic imperative that one create a vision - a script - for one's life.; More and more, Americans are compelled to regard themselves in effect as "human capital." No longer simply an enterprising or entrepreneurial individual, the new worker is the artist and the artwork, the "CEO of Me, Inc.," in Tom Peters' memorable phrase, and the central product line. "Self-Help, Inc." reveals how makeover culture traps Americans in endless cycles of self-invention and overwork as they struggle to stay ahead of a rapidly restructuring economic order. A lucid and fascinating treatment of the modern obsession with work and self-improvement, this book will strike a chord with its diagnosis of the self-help trap and with its suggestions for how we can address the alienating conditions of modern work and family life.


Author : Ryan Phillips
Publisher : Destiny Image Publishers
Release : 2005
Page : 389
Category : Fiction
ISBN 13 : 0768422817
Description :


Abigail Walker and Jarvis Daniels are longtime sweethearts headed in opposite directions. Abby, an aspiring cellist, wants out of her humble Detroit surroundings and is willing to shed blood, sweat, and tears to make it happen. Jarvis, on the other hand, is perfectly content with life. For him there's plenty of time to become a "responsible adult." For now, heâŁĭs got everything he could want: a roof over his head, a PlayStation, and the love of a good woman. When Abby's music career takes off and she moves to Chicago, Jarvis gets the boot---sort of. Abby still loves him, but his penchant for faded sweaters and meatball subs just doesnâŁĭt fit into her new, sophisticated world of designer gowns and concert halls. They're in different leagues and Abby makes no qualms of reminding him of it whenever she deigns to visit him. When the couple is involved in a near-fatal car crash, they are broken, stripped, and broken again both stumbling through a journey of healing and self-discovery as they struggle to accept the merciful hand of the only One who can help them up after a fall.


Author : Henry James
Publisher :
Release : 2020-12-28
Page : 170
Category :
ISBN 13 :
Description :


I do not remember, in all her novels, an instance of gross misery of any kind not directly caused by the folly of the sufferer. There are no pictures of vice or poverty or squalor. There are no rags, no gin, no brutal passions. That average humanity which she favours is very borné in intellect, but very genial in heart, as a glance at its repre-sentatives in her pages will convince us. In Adam Bede, there is Mr. Irwine, the vicar, with avowedly no qualifica-tion for his profession, placidly playing chess with his mother, stroking his dogs, and dipping into Greek trage-dies; there is the excellent Martin Poyser at the Farm, good-natured and rubicund; there is his wife, somewhat too sharply voluble, but only in behalf of cleanliness and honesty and order; there is Captain Donnithorne at the Hall, who does a poor girl a mortal wrong, but who is, af-ter all, such a nice, good-looking fellow; there are Adam and Seth Bede, the carpenter's sons, the strongest, purest, most discreet of young rustics.


Author : J. D. Swinn
Publisher :
Release : 2013-01-09
Page : 84
Category : Fiction
ISBN 13 : 9781481920094
Description :


Only nineteen years old, Nameh is already one of the best Guardians in the Academy. No one at the Academy, not even her best friend, knows about her dark past. Unsatisfied with her challenges as a Guardian, she finds herself searching for ancient magic, forbidden to her. Struggling to control the magic she now possesses, time is running short as the dark forces of the Guild are gaining in power and there are those who say that open war between the Guild and the Vine is just a matter of time. Knowing that something must be done to protect her world, Nameh and her newfound friends set out on a journey to find the Vine to gain whatever knowledge and protection from the Guild they may offer. The further they go, Nameh finds herself not only in near constant battle, but also questioning her heart - perhaps she will find more than friendship, but does she dare to confess that, even to herself? Approx. 21000 words


Author : Ash-Shakur Mac
Publisher : Createspace Independent Publishing Platform
Release : 2017-05-09
Page : 168
Category :
ISBN 13 : 9781546598442
Description :


SYNOPSIS This book is about The Life, The Pain, and The Glory of Shakur (Coy Boy) McNish, growing up in the streets of South Philadelphia and migrated to West Philadelphia for a new way of life, but things didn't work out the way his mother Judy has planned. Shakur was associated with a lot of Street Legends in Philadelphia, New Jersey and New York and was sent to prison on a Federal Indictment. He realized that there was no more love or loyalty in them streets, so he decided to give up that lifestyle and become one of Philadelphia's successful corporate businessmen. He exposed many secrets in this book about certain individuals. He also shares certain events that he attended with some of his celebrity friends such as, State Property's own Rapper "Beanie Sigel." "Everybody wants to know "Who Is He," His Life, His Pain and how he turned it into His Glory! His Story is a must read for all those who can't seem to "Think Outside The Hood"! THE GAME IS DEAD! D-COYPRINT PUBLISHING FACEBOOK: AUTHOR SHACOY MCNISH INSTAGRAM: @COYPRINT1 or @COY215.


Author : Sama Banya
Publisher :
Release : 2015-02-25
Page : 648
Category :
ISBN 13 : 9789991092140
Description :


Because of the many roles he has played in the country, Looking Back is much more than Dr. Sama Banya's life story. In a lively and entertaining manner, he takes the reader through the chequered history of Sierra Leone from the colonial era to the present providing, along the way, accounts of the origin of Kailahun, his home town, the Kissy/Mende chiefs from whom he descends, life in Bo School where he had the early part of his secondary school education, as well as insights into the workings of the civil service in his day. A physician by profession, Dr. Sama BAnyha is best known as a politician. He served as a cabinet minister under two presidents, and his deep knowledge of political machinations in Sierra Leone as seen from both sides of the parliamentary divide, makes this autobiography an altogether fascinating read.


Author : Mia Nuzzi Schneider
Publisher :
Release : 2015-10-19
Page : 768
Category :
ISBN 13 : 9781514735077
Description :


My purpose for writing this book is to leave a legacy of a man who was truly remarkable. My journal consists of the 30 odd years we spent together, all the adventures and travels.