Seriously I M Kidding Download Ebook PDF Epub Online

Author : Ellen DeGeneres
Publisher : Grand Central Publishing
Release : 2013-07-02
Page : 240
Category : Humor
ISBN 13 : 9781455547784
Description :


I've experienced a lot the last few years and I have a lot to share. So I hope that you'll take a moment to sit back, relax and enjoy the words I've put together for you in this book. I think you'll find I've left no stone unturned, no door unopened, no window unbroken, no rug unvacuumed, no ivories untickled. What I'm saying is, let us begin, shall we?


Author : Ellen DeGeneres
Publisher : Grand Central Pub
Release : 2011-10-04
Page : 256
Category : Biography & Autobiography
ISBN 13 : 9780446585026
Description :


The stand-up comedian, television host, best-selling author and actress candidly discusses her personal life, her professional career and describes what it was like to become a judge on American Idol. 750,000 first printing.


Author : Ellen DeGeneres
Publisher : Grand Central Publishing
Release : 2011-10-04
Page : 256
Category : Humor
ISBN 13 : 0446585033
Description :


Ellen DeGeneres's winning, upbeat candor has made her show one of the most popular, resilient, and honored daytime shows on the air, and her life makes for great (and very funny) reading. Relatable, her first stand-up special in 15 years, airs on Netflix beginning December 18, 2018. "I've experienced a whole lot the last few years and I have a lot to share. So I hope that you'll take a moment to sit back, relax and enjoy the words I've put together for you in this book. I think you'll find I've left no stone unturned, no door unopened, no window unbroken, no rug unvacuumed, no ivories untickled. What I'm saying is, let us begin, shall we?" Seriously... I'm Kidding is a lively, hilarious, and often sweetly poignant look at the life of the much-loved entertainer as she opens up about her personal life, her talk show, and more. PRAISE FOR SERIOUSLY...I'M KIDDING "DeGeneres's amiably oddball riffs on everything from kale to catwalks to Jesus will make fans smile." - People "Whatever the topic, DeGeneres's compulsively readable style will appeal to fans old and new." - Publishers Weekly "Fans will not be disappointed...[DeGeneres's] trademark wit and openness shine through and through." -- Kirkus


Author : Ellen Degeneres
Publisher : Bantam
Release : 2011-03-16
Page : 224
Category : Biography & Autobiography
ISBN 13 : 0307765628
Description :


In this #1 New York Times bestseller, Ellen DeGeneres shares her hilarious take on everything from our most baffling human foibles–including how we behave in elevators, airplanes, and restrooms, and why we’re so scared of the boogeyman–to fashion trends, celebrity, and her secret recipe for Ellen’s Real Frenchy French Toast. Most of all, this witty, engaging book offers insights into the mind of one of America’s most beloved comics.… Dear Reader, I was awfully excited when I was asked to write a book. I was however, nervous. I was afraid I didn’t have anything important to say. But when I began writing, I realized that although I don’t know a lot about any one thing, I know a little about a whole bunch of things: baking a pie; dancing; curing the common cold; running the Iditarod–it’s all in the book. And I realized I notice things that maybe some people don’t notice (or they don’t notice that they don’t notice). That’s all in the book, too.


Author : Ellen DeGeneres
Publisher : Simon and Schuster
Release : 2003-10-28
Page : 192
Category : Humor
ISBN 13 : 0743253663
Description :


Ellen DeGeneres published her first book of comic essays, the #1 bestselling My Point...and I Do Have One, way back in 1996. Not one to rest on her laurels, the witty star of stage and screen has since dedicated her life to writing a hilarious new book. That book is this book. After years of painstaking, round-the-clock research, surviving on a mere twenty minutes of sleep a night, and collaborating with lexicographers, plumbers, and mathematicians, DeGeneres has crafted a book that is both easy to use and very funny. Along with her trademark ramblings, The Funny Thing Is...contains hundreds of succinct insights into her psyche, supplemented by easy-to-understand charts, graphs, and diagrams so that you'll never miss a joke. Overseeing all aspects of production, DeGeneres labored over details both significant and insignificant, including typefaces, page number placement, and which of the thousands of world languages to use. Ultimately she selected English, as it's her mother tongue, but translations into Hindi and Pig Latin are already in the works. DeGeneres takes an innovative approach to the organization of her book by utilizing a section in the beginning that includes the name of each chapter, along with a corresponding page number. She calls it the "Table of Contents," and she is confident that it will become the standard to which all books in the future will aspire. Some of the other innovative features you'll find in this edition: • More than 50,000 simple, short words arranged in sentences that form paragraphs. • Thousands of observations on everyday life -- from terrible fashion trends to how to handle seating arrangements for a Sunday brunch with Paula Abdul, Diane Sawyer, and Eminem. • All twenty-six letters of the alphabet. Sure to make you laugh, The Funny Thing Is...is an indispensable reference for anyone who knows how to read or wants to fool people into thinking they do.


Author : Richard P. Feynman
Publisher : W. W. Norton & Company
Release : 2018-02-06
Page : 352
Category : Biography & Autobiography
ISBN 13 : 0393355683
Description :


One of the most famous science books of our time, the phenomenal national bestseller that "buzzes with energy, anecdote and life. It almost makes you want to become a physicist" (Science Digest). Richard P. Feynman, winner of the Nobel Prize in physics, thrived on outrageous adventures. In this lively work that “can shatter the stereotype of the stuffy scientist” (Detroit Free Press), Feynman recounts his experiences trading ideas on atomic physics with Einstein and cracking the uncrackable safes guarding the most deeply held nuclear secrets—and much more of an eyebrow-raising nature. In his stories, Feynman’s life shines through in all its eccentric glory—a combustible mixture of high intelligence, unlimited curiosity, and raging chutzpah. Included for this edition is a new introduction by Bill Gates.


Author : Betty DeGeneres
Publisher : Harper Collins
Release : 2013-05-28
Page : 400
Category : Biography & Autobiography
ISBN 13 : 0062276107
Description :


"Mom, I'm gay." With three little words, gay children can change their parents' lives forever. Yet at the same times it's a chance for those parents to realize nothing, really, has changed at all; same kid, same life, same bond of enduring love. Twenty years ago, during a walk on a Mississippi beach, Ellen DeGeneres spoke those simple, powerful words to her mother. That emotional moment eventually brought mother and daughter closer than ever, but not without a struggle. Coming from a republican family with conservative values, Betty needed time and education to understand her daughter's homosexuality -- but her ultimate acceptance would set the stage for a far more public coming out, one that would change history. In Love, Ellen, Betty DeGeneres tells her story; the complicated path to acceptance and the deepening of her friendship with her daughter; the media's scrutiny of their family life; the painful and often inspiring stories she's heard on the road as the first non-gay spokesperson for the Human Rights Campaigns National Coming Out Project. With a mother's love, clear minded common sense, and hard won wisdom, Betty DeGeneres offers up her own very personal memoir to help parents understand their gay children, and to help sons and daughters who have been rejected by their families feel less alone.


Author : Ellen DeGeneres
Publisher : Hachette UK
Release : 2015-10-27
Page : 256
Category : House & Home
ISBN 13 : 1455533556
Description :


Beloved comedian and talk show host Ellen DeGeneres shares her passion for home design, a look at her homes, and the secrets she has learned over twenty-five years of renovation and decoration. Ellen DeGeneres has bought and renovated nearly a dozen homes over the last twenty-five years, and describes her real-estate and decorating adventures as "an education." She has long cared deeply about design: "I think I wanted to be an interior designer when I was thirteen." This deluxe edition of Home is printed on extremely high quality paper, printed on a sheet-fed press, and bound in a real cloth covered case with a tipped in photo of Ellen DeGeneres' living room featuring her Picasso. In Home, DeGeneres will, for the first time, share her passion for home design and style. She believes, "You don't have to have money to have good taste," and she is eager to share what she has learned over the years. DeGeneres offers a personal look at every room in each of her homes. Included are seven of her homes past and present, from the famous "Brody House" up to her current homes, and she offers tips and advice on what each house taught her. An added bonus is a look at the homes of her friends and collaborators-some of the finest designers in the country. They share their advice on home design, furnishings, as well as a glimpse at their awe-inspiring rooms. Full of beautiful photographs, this book is a treasure trove of amazing California architecture, unique home furnishings, breathtaking art, and hundreds of ideas on putting together the home you've always dreamed of.


Author : Henriette Mantel
Publisher : Seal Press
Release : 2013-04-16
Page : 224
Category : Family & Relationships
ISBN 13 : 1580054595
Description :


In No Kidding, comedy writer Henriette Mantel tackles the topic of actually not having kids. This fascinating collection features a star-studded group of contributors—including Margaret Cho, Wendy Liebman, Laurie Graff, and other accomplished, funny women—writing about why they opted out of motherhood. Whether their reasons have to do with courage, apathy, monetary considerations, health issues, or something else entirely, the essays featured in the pages of No Kidding honestly (and humorously) delve into the minds of women who have chosen what they would call a more sane path. Hilarious, compelling, and inspiring, No Kidding reveals a perspective that has too long been hidden, shamed, and silenced—and celebrates an entire population of women who have decided that kids are just not right for them. Additional contributors include Janette Barber, Cheryl Bricker, Valri Bromfield, Cindy Caponera, Bonnie Datt, Jeanne Dorsey, Nora Dunn, Jane Gennaro, Julie Halston, Debbie Kasper, Sue Kolinsky, Maureen Langan, Beth Lapides, Bernadette Luckett, Merrill Markoe, Andrea Carla Michaels, Vanda Mikoloski, Judy Morgan, Judy Nielsen, Susan Norfleet, Suzanne O’Neil, Jennifer Prediger, Kathryn Rossetter, Betsy Salkind, Patricia Scanlon, Jeanette Schwaba Vigne, Nancy Shayne, Carol Siskind, Ann Slichter, Tracy Smith, Suzy Soro, Amy Stiller, and Nancy Van Iderstine.


Author : Jim Gaffigan
Publisher : Three Rivers Press (CA)
Release : 2017
Page : 315
Category : Families
ISBN 13 : 152476325X
Description :


In Dad is Fat, stand-up comedian Jim Gaffigan, who's best known for his legendary riffs on Hot Pockets, bacon, manatees, and McDonald's, expresses all the joys and horrors of life with five young children-everything from cousins (ocelebrities for little kidso) to toddlers' communication skills (othey always sound like they have traveled by horseback for hours to deliver important newso), to the eating habits of four year olds (othere is no difference between a four year old eating a taco and throwing a taco on the flooro). Dad is Fatis sharply observed, explosively funny, and a cry for help from a man who has realized he and his wife are outnumbered in their own home.


Author : Jon Macks
Publisher : Simon and Schuster
Release : 2010-06-15
Page : 192
Category : Humor
ISBN 13 : 9781451603477
Description :


An invaluable guide on how to "lighten up" from a distinguished pro who has provided laughs for JAY LENO, BILLY CRYSTAL, STEVE MARTIN, ROBIN WILLIAMS, BRAD GARRETT, WHOOPI GOLDBERG, AND MANY MORE. Who hasn't wished for the perfect withering comeback line, a clever tension-breaking quip, or a winning flirtatious remark? Being funny is hard work and not everyone is a natural. How to Be Funny is a witty guide that teaches readers precisely how to be funnier in everyday life. It's a must-read for anyone who has to speak in public, be engaging and funny at work or at play, or who hopes to one day go out on a date. Jon Macks, a comedy writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, the Academy Awards, the Emmy Awards, Hollywood Squares, and the nation's top comedians, politicians, and corporate leaders, knows his funny business. Here he demystifies the process of making people laugh, breaks down the basic building blocks and types of humor -- which include self-deprecation, misdirection, deadpan delivery, sarcasm, and "the reverse" -- and reveals the best approaches to use in common situations. How to Be Funny features helpful (and hilarious) tips and anecdotes from the comic legends Mack's worked with -- including Jay Leno, Arsenio Hall, Gilbert Gottfried, Billy Crystal, Rita Rudner, Dave Barry, and Carrie Fisher -- in his eleven years as one of the nation's top television writers. Whether the goal is to give a memorable public address or deliver a killer line with friends, How to Be Funny is a charming, instructive, and practical read.


Author : Lilly Singh
Publisher : Doubleday Canada
Release : 2017-03-28
Page : 224
Category : Biography & Autobiography
ISBN 13 : 0385689314
Description :


From the 2017 People's Choice Award winner for Favorite YouTube Star comes the definitive guide to being a bawse: a person who exudes confidence, hustles relentlessly and smiles genuinely because he or she has fought through it all and made it out the other side. Lilly Singh isn't just a superstar. She's Superwoman—which is also the name of her wildly popular YouTube channel. Funny, smart and insightful, the actress and comedian covers topics ranging from relationships to career choices to everyday annoyances. It's no wonder she's garnered more than a billion views. But Lilly didn't get to the top by being lucky—she had to work for it. Hard. Now Lilly wants to share the lessons she learned while taking the world by storm, and the tools she used to do it. How to Be a Bawse is the definitive guide to conquering life. Make no mistake, there are no shortcuts to success, personal or professional. World domination requires real effort, dedication and determination. Just consider Lilly a personal trainer for your life—with fifty rules to get you in the game, including: • Let Go of FOMO (Fear of Missing Out): Temptation will try to steer you away from your goals. FOMO is just a test of your priorities, a test that a bawse is ready to pass. • Be Nice to People: Treat niceness like an item on your daily to-do list. People will go out of their way to help and support you because you make them feel good. • Schedule Inspiration: Lack of motivation isn't permanent or a sign of weakness. Expect it and proactively schedule time to be creative. • Be the Dumbest: Challenge yourself by surrounding yourself with people who know more than you do. It's a vital way to learn and improve. Told in Lilly's hilarious, bold voice and packed with photos and candid stories from her journey to the top, How to Be a Bawse will make you love your life and yourself—even more than you love Beyoncé. (Yes, we said it!) WARNING: This book does not include hopeful thoughts, lucky charms or cute quotes. That's because success, happiness and everything else you want in life need to be worked for, not wished for. In Lilly's world, there are no escalators, only stairs. Get ready to climb. Praise for How to Be a Bawse: "Lilly is a bona fide #girlboss, boss and bawse. Her meteoric rise has come with so many incredible lessons that we are all lucky to have access to. This book is a must-have for the hustler in all of us."—Sophia Amoruso, founder and CEO, Girlboss


Author : Ian Harding
Publisher : St. Martin's Press
Release : 2017-05-02
Page : 320
Category : Biography & Autobiography
ISBN 13 : 1250117089
Description :


A 7-time Teen Choice Award Winner on Freeform's most-watched series, Pretty Little Liars ... A social media influencer with over 7 million followers ... An avid birdwatcher? Yes, you read that correctly. Ian Harding is all of these things, and so much more. In this memoir, explore the unexpected world of a young celebrity through the lens of his favorite pastime — birding. Odd Birds is more than just a Hollywood memoir or tell-all. At its heart, this book is a coming-of-age story in which Ian wrestles with an ever evolving question— how can he still be himself, while also being a celebrity. Each humorous and heartfelt story features a particular bird—sometimes literal, at other times figurative. Using this framework, Ian explores a variety of topics, including growing up, life as a television actor and nature lover, and whether it is better to shave or wax one’s chest for an on-screen love scene. A funny and heartwarming window into Ian’s life, Odd Birds is a must-read for fans of nature writing and memoir alike.


Author : Beth Terry
Publisher : Simon and Schuster
Release : 2015-04-21
Page : 384
Category : House & Home
ISBN 13 : 1634500350
Description :


“Guides readers toward the road less consumptive, offering practical advice and moral support while making a convincing case that individual actions . . . do matter.” —Elizabeth Royte, author, Garbage Land and Bottlemania Like many people, Beth Terry didn’t think an individual could have much impact on the environment. But while laid up after surgery, she read an article about the staggering amount of plastic polluting the oceans, and decided then and there to kick her plastic habit. In Plastic-Free, she shows you how you can too, providing personal anecdotes, stats about the environmental and health problems related to plastic, and individual solutions and tips on how to limit your plastic footprint. Presenting both beginner and advanced steps, Terry includes handy checklists and tables for easy reference, ways to get involved in larger community actions, and profiles of individuals—Plastic-Free Heroes—who have gone beyond personal solutions to create change on a larger scale. Fully updated for the paperback edition, Plastic-Free also includes sections on letting go of eco-guilt, strategies for coping with overwhelming problems, and ways to relate to other people who aren’t as far along on the plastic-free path. Both a practical guide and the story of a personal journey from helplessness to empowerment, Plastic-Free is a must-read for those concerned about the ongoing health and happiness of themselves, their children, and the planet.


Author : Sharon M. Draper
Publisher : Simon and Schuster
Release : 2012-05
Page : 295
Category : Juvenile Nonfiction
ISBN 13 : 1416971718
Description :


Considered by many to be mentally retarded, a brilliant, impatient fifth-grader with cerebral palsy discovers a technological device that will allow her to speak for the first time.


Author : John McEnroe
James Kaplan
Publisher : Penguin
Release : 2002-06-10
Page : 352
Category : Biography & Autobiography
ISBN 13 : 1101204400
Description :


A no-holds-barred, intimate memoir by John McEnroe—the bad boy of professional tennis. John McEnroe stunned the tennis elite when he came out of nowhere to make the Wimbledon semifinals at the age of eighteen—and just a few years later, he was ranked number one in the world. You Cannot Be Serious is McEnroe at his most personal, an intimate examination of Johnny Mac, the kid from Queens, and his “wild ride” through the world of professional tennis at a boom time when players were treated like rock stars. In this “bracing serve-and-volley autobiography” (The Boston Globe) he candidly explores the roots of his famous on-court explosions; his ambivalence toward the sport that made him famous; his adventures (and misadventures) on the road; his views of colleagues from Connors to Borg to Lendl; his opinions of contemporary tennis; his marriages to actress Tatum O'Neal and pop star Patty Smyth; and his roles as husband, father, senior tour player, and often-controversial commentator.


Author : Rob Harrell
Publisher : Penguin
Release : 2020-03-31
Page : 320
Category : Juvenile Fiction
ISBN 13 : 1984815156
Description :


A hilarious and heartwrenching story about surviving middle school--and an unthinkable diagnosis--while embracing life's weirdness. Ross Maloy just wants to be a normal seventh grader. He doesn't want to lose his hair, or wear a weird hat, or deal with the disappearing friends who don't know what to say to "the cancer kid." But with his recent diagnosis of a rare eye cancer, blending in is off the table. Based on Rob Harrell's real life experience, and packed with comic panels and spot art, this incredibly personal and poignant novel is an unforgettable, heartbreaking, hilarious, and uplifting story of survival and finding the music, magic, and laughter in life's weirdness.


Author : Taona D. Chiveneko
Publisher : Chiveneko Publishing Inc
Release : 2013-01-15
Page : 490
Category : Social Science
ISBN 13 : 0991852400
Description :


If you had to interview the candidates for a country's new hangman, what questions would you ask them? If your family was on the verge of starvation, and becoming a hangman was the only job available, would you apply? If you were hired, what would you do if the prisoners looked like your loved ones? If you knew that another good man was taking the.


Author : Tracy Schorn
Publisher : Running Press Adult
Release : 2016-05-10
Page : 240
Category : Family & Relationships
ISBN 13 : 0762459050
Description :


Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life is a no-nonsense self-help guide for anyone who has ever been cheated on. Here's advice not based on saving your relationship after infidelity—but saving your sanity. When it comes to cheating, a lot of the attention is focused on cheaters—their unmet needs or their challenges with monogamy. But Tracy Schorn (aka Chump Lady) lampoons such blameshifting and puts the focus squarely on the-cheated-upon (chumps) and their needs. Combining solid advice that champions self-respect, along with hilarious cartoons satirizing the pomposity of cheaters, Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life offers a fresh voice for chumps who want (and need) a new message about infidelity. This book will offer advice on Stupid sh*t cheaters say and how to respond, Rookie mistakes of the recently chumped and how to disarm your fears, Why chumps take the blame and how to protect yourself, and more. Full of snark, sass, and real wisdom about how to bounce back after the gut blow of betrayal, Schorn is the friend who guides you through this nightmare and gives you hope for a better life ahead.


Author : Kathy Griffin
Publisher : Ballantine Books
Release : 2009-09-08
Page : 368
Category : Biography & Autobiography
ISBN 13 : 0345518578
Description :


Official Book Club Selection is Kathy Griffin unplugged, uncensored, and unafraid to dish about what really happens on the road, away from the cameras, and at the star party after the show. (It's also her big chance to score that coveted book club endorsement she's always wanted. Are you there, Oprah? It's me, Kathy.) Kathy Griffin has won Emmys for her reality show Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List, been nominated for a Grammy, worked and walked every red carpet known to man, and rung in the New Year with Anderson Cooper. But the legions of fans who pack Kathy's sold-out comedy shows have heard only part of her remarkable story. Writing with her trademark wit, the feisty comic settles a few old scores, celebrates the friends and mentors who helped her claw her way to the top, and shares insider gossip about celebrity behavior–the good, the bad, and the very ugly. She recounts the crazy ups and downs of her own career and introduces us to some of the supertalented people she encountered before they got famous (or, in some cases, after fame went to their heads). Word to the wise: If you've ever crossed Kathy Griffin at some point in your life, check the index for your name. Along the way, Kathy reveals intimate details about her life before and after she made the big time. She opens up about everything from growing up with a dysfunctional family in suburban Illinois to bombing as a young comedian in L.A., from her well-publicized plastic surgery disasters to her highly publicized divorce, and more. Only in this book will you learn how the dinner table is the best training ground for a career in stand-up, how speaking your mind can bite you on the ass and buy you a house, and which people in Kathy's life have taught her the most valuable lessons–both inside and outside the entertainment industry. And as if all that wasn't enough, there are also dozens of exclusive and somewhat embarrassing photos from Kathy's own collection–featuring the diva of the D List herself, with her old nose as well as her new one, plus celebrity friends, foes, frenemies, and hangers-on for you to gawk at. Refreshingly candid, unflinchingly honest, and full of hilarious "Did she really say that?" moments, Official Book Club Selection will make you laugh until you cry, or just puke up a little bit.