Toddlers Are A Holes Download Ebook PDF Epub Online

Author : Bunmi Laditan
Publisher : Workman Publishing
Release : 2015-04-07
Page : 176
Category : Humor
ISBN 13 : 0761185755
Description :


At last, the book that answers the question on every parent’s mind: Why does my toddler hate me? Okay, it’s not really hate. It’s just that a little psychopath who walks through life 100% convinced that he or she is the center of the universe does not care that you have a heart, a mind, or a soul. You are simply a skin-covered robot tall enough to reach the candy on top of the fridge. And clean up the rage-vomit when you make the fatal mistake of cutting off the crust on your toddler’s toast. (Or not cutting it off—seriously, you can’t win.) Includes: The theory of toddler evolution Mealtime (AKA Hell) Your unraveling life And how not to die inside


Author : Bunmi Laditan
Publisher : Workman Publishing
Release : 2015-04-07
Page : 176
Category : Humor
ISBN 13 : 076118564X
Description :


Toddler a**holery is a normal part of human development—not unlike puberty, except this stage involves throwing food on the floor and taking swings at people who pay your way in life. For parents of toddlers, it's a "you better laugh so you don't cry" period. Bunmi Laditan's hilarious, satirical guide to toddlerhood offers parents instant (and very welcome) comic relief—along with the very good news that "It's Not Your Fault." Chapters cover the cost of raising a toddler, feeding your toddler, potty-training, tantrums, how to manage the holidays, and "how not to die inside." Parents will see themselves in the very funny sections on taking your toddler to restaurants ("One parent will spend their time walking your toddler around the restaurant and outside like a cocker spaniel, while the other, luckier parent will eat alone."), Things You Thought You'd Never Say That You Now Say As a Parent of a Toddler ("I can tell you're pooping because your eyes are watering."), and how to order pizza ("Spend $40 on pizza delivery. Listen to your toddler cry for 30 minutes about how the pizza is all wrong. Watch your toddler take a small bite of crust. Google 'can anger give you a heart attack?' Start the bedtime routine."). Laditan's wildly funny voice has attracted hundreds of thousands of fans of Honest Toddler on social media; here she speaks parent-to-tired-parent, easing the pains and challenges of raising toddlers with a hefty dose of adult humor and wit.


Author : Karen Alpert
Publisher : Harper Collins
Release : 2014-04-08
Page : 304
Category : Humor
ISBN 13 : 0062341618
Description :


Following the success of Go the F**k to Sleep, Confessions of a Scary Mommy, and Ketchup Is a Vegetable, a collection of funny, warm, and charmingly profane tales from the frontlines of parenthood by the author of the popular Baby Sideburns blog. Once upon a time you and your partner had a perfect life: dinners out, weekend mornings cuddling in bed, brunch with friends. Then you gave birth to a poop machine (or two). Now, it's all about the pediatrician, breast pumps, princess dresses, and minivans. And discovering that your pride and joy is actually a little A-hole. When your son wakes you up at 3:00 A.M. because he wants to watch Caillou, he's an a-hole. When your daughter outlines every corner of your living room with a purple crayon, she's an a-hole. When your rug rats purposely paint the kitchen ceiling with their smoothies, they're a-holes. At times like these, it's only natural to want to kill them (or yourself). But it's against the law (and there's the suicide hotline). Plus, there's that whole loving them more than anything in the whole world thing. In I Heart My Little A-Holes, Karen Alpert shares hilarious stories, lists, and deep thoughts on the joys and horrors of raising children. Accompanied by cheery illustrations and photos I Heart My Little A-Holes will make you laugh so hard you'll wish you were wearing a diaper.


Author : Jamie Glowacki
Publisher : Simon and Schuster
Release : 2019-06-04
Page : 304
Category : Family & Relationships
ISBN 13 : 1982109742
Description :


Real-world, from-the-trenches toddler parenting advice from the author of the bestselling Oh Crap! Potty Training. Toddlers—commonly defined as children aged between two and five years old—can be a horribly misunderstood bunch. What most parents view as bad behavior is in fact just curious behavior. Toddlerdom is the age of individuation, seeking control, and above all, learning how the world works. But this misunderstanding between parents and child can lead to power struggles, tantrums, and even diminished growth and creativity. The recent push of early intellectualism coupled with a desire to “make childhood magical” has created a strange paradox—we have three-year-olds with math and Mandarin tutors who don’t know how to dress themselves and are sitting in their own poop. We are pushing the toddler mind beyond its limit but simultaneously keeping them far below their own natural capabilities. In the frank, funny, and totally authentic Oh Crap! I Have a Toddler, social worker Jamie Glowacki helps parents work through what she considers the five essential components of raising toddlers: —Engaging the toddler mind —Working with the toddler body —Understanding and dealing with the toddler behavior —Creating a good toddler environment —You, the parent Oh Crap! I Have a Toddler is about doing more with less—and bringing real childhood back from the brink of over-scheduled, over-stimulated, helicopter parenting. With her signature down-and-dirty, friend-to-friend advice, Jamie is here to help you experience the joy of parenting again and giving your child—and yourself—the freedom to let them grow at their own pace and become who they are.


Author : Sarah Fader
Publisher : Osiris Ink
Release : 2016-06
Page : 54
Category :
ISBN 13 : 9781941065174
Description :


Once upon a time Sarah Fader wrote a blog post called 3-Year-Olds Are Assholes. It went viral on HuffPost Parents with over 400,000 shares on Facebook. This book tells the story of three-year-old Samantha, who is determined to make a rainbow. It features illustrations by Shari Ryan.


Author : Bunmi Laditan
Publisher : Simon and Schuster
Release : 2013-05-07
Page : 256
Category : Humor
ISBN 13 : 1476733724
Description :


As seen on Good Morning America, the irreverent, bracingly honest, and “awfully funny” (The Boston Globe) satirical parenting guide from the Internet’s most infamous tot, whose unchecked sense of entitlement and undeniable charm have captivated hundreds of thousands of fans. Are you the confused parent of a toddler? Are you constantly disappointing the 2T in your life? Are you tired, stressed out, and looking for relief? I can’t help you with that last one, but if you want to become an A+ servant to your small child, this book is for you. Who better to teach you about toddlers than another toddler? In this book you’ll learn: • How time-outs make you look like a fool • Why potty training is not only unnecessary but unrealistic for children under eighteen • Why toddler beds are OUT and letting your child sleep on the diagonal in your bed is IN • The best way to apologize to your toddler for all of those Pinterest casseroles • That when you love someone, you accept them as they are, pants or no pants The hard-hitting knowledge in The Honest Toddler will save you thousands of dollars in unnecessary whole grains and toothbrushes. Happy reading. You’re doing the right thing. For once.


Author : Sopha King Tyerd
Publisher :
Release : 2014-10-10
Page : 140
Category :
ISBN 13 : 9780990592891
Description :


Toddler A**holery is a normal part of human development. It's like puberty but focuses mainly on throwing food on the floor and taking swings at people who pay your way in life. Reader, never ever blame yourself for your toddler being an a**hole to you. Toddlers are beautiful, kind, and wonderful to people who are not in primary custody of them. There's a reason toddlers are at their peak cuteness: it's because nature knows that toddlerhood is when you are most likely to take your child to a public park and leave them there with a note that says, "I'm a little $hit and they couldn't take it anymore." Hide in the bathroom and read this hilarious, satirical guide for instant comic relief from cutting toast into perfect triangles.


Author : Simone Davies
Publisher : Workman Publishing
Release : 2019-03-19
Page : 240
Category : Family & Relationships
ISBN 13 : 152350790X
Description :


Turn your home into a Montessori home—and become a more mindful, attentive, and easygoing parent. It’s time to change the way we see toddlers. Using the principles developed by the educator Dr. Maria Montessori, Simone Davies shows how to turn life with a “terrible two” into a mutually rich and rewarding time of curiosity, learning, respect, and discovery. With hundreds of practical ideas for every aspect of living with a toddler, here are five principles for feeding your child’s natural curiosity, from “Trust in the child” to “Fostering a sense of wonder.” Step-by-step ways to cultivate daily routines with ease, like brushing teeth, toilet-training, dealing with siblings, losing the pacifier. Plus learn how to: Stay composed when your toddler is not and set limits with love and respect—without resorting to bribes or punishment Set up your home and get rid of the chaos Create Montessori activities that are just right for your one-to-three-year-old Raise an inquisitive learner who loves exploring the world around them See the world through your toddler’s eyes and be surprised and delighted by their perspective Be your child’s guide—and truly celebrate every stage


Author : Bunmi Laditan
Publisher : MIRA
Release : 2017-05-02
Page : 400
Category : Fiction
ISBN 13 : 1488022887
Description :


Instant Bestseller "Freaking hilarious. This is the novel moms have been waiting for."—Jenny Lawson, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Let's Pretend This Never Happened "Perfect for readers looking for a funny, realistic look at motherhood."—Booklist (starred review) From the creator of The Honest Toddler comes a fiction debut sure to be a must-read for moms everywhere There are good moms and bad moms—and then there are hot-mess moms. Introducing Ashley Keller, career girl turned stay-at-home mom who's trying to navigate the world of Pinterest-perfect, Facebook-fantastic and Instagram-impressive mommies but failing miserably. When Ashley gets the opportunity to participate in the Motherhood Better boot camp run by the mommy-blog-empire maven she idolizes, she jumps at the chance to become the perfect mom she's always wanted to be. But will she fly high or flop? With her razor-sharp wit and knack for finding the funny in everything, Bunmi Laditan creates a character as flawed and lovable as Bridget Jones or Becky Bloomwood while hilariously lambasting the societal pressures placed upon every new mother. At its heart, Ashley's story reminds moms that there's no way to be perfect, but many ways to be great.


Author : Nina Laden
Publisher : Chronicle Books
Release : 2000-02
Page : 10
Category : Juvenile Fiction
ISBN 13 : 9780811826020
Description :


The reader can look through die-cut pages for a visual clue to complete a game of peek-a-boo.


Author : Kita Helmetag Murdock
Patsy Helmetag
Publisher : Possum Products Company
Release : 2004
Page : 28
Category : Juvenile Fiction
ISBN 13 : 9780615125480
Description :


Cecily Cicada is a cicada who lives underneath the sassafras tree on Huidekoper Street in Washington, D.C., anxiously awaiting the time when she can come above ground.


Author : Laurie Kilmartin
Karen Moline
Publisher : Abrams
Release : 2012-09-01
Page : 176
Category : Humor
ISBN 13 : 161312399X
Description :


Sh*tty Mom is the ultimate parenting guide, written by four moms who have seen it all. As hilarious as it is universal, each chapter presents a common parenting scenario with advice on how to get through it in the easiest and most efficient way possible. With chapters such as “How to Sleep Until 9 A.M. Every Weekend” and “When Seeing an Infant Triggers a Mental Illness That Makes You Want to Have Another Baby,” as well as a Sh*tty Mom quiz, this is a must-have, laugh-out-loud funny book for the sh*tty parent in all of us. Praise for Sh*tty Mom: “A totally hilarious and uncensored look at some of the impossible situations we mothers find ourselves in.” —TheBump.com “Smartly, brashly, nearly criminally funny. It also—no small thing—carries a powerful message to all parents, but especially moms, that distilled to its essence is this: chill.” —Time.com “As the attachment parenting craze has hit a zenith in American culture, four very funny moms—comedy writers, TV producers, and a novelist—blast open a long-locked safe filled with frustrations faced by all modern mothers, with sympathetic and sharp humor. . . . The authors’ unfiltered candor is a welcome reminder for readers that they're not alone. . . .” —Publishers Weekly starred review “Both funny and practical.” —Brooklyn Based.net "Hilariously entertaining. A must-read survivor's guide for every mother!" --Christy Turlington Burns, founder of Every Mother Counts “Finally, Sh*tty Mom does for motherhood what Chelsea Handler does for female scatology. It’s a long overdue little burst of honesty from the supposed minority of mothers who are, in fact, not that maternal. . . . After a generation of supermoms one-upping each other in dead earnest on playgrounds and schoolyards, the emerging mass appeal of Sh*tty Mom is a welcome relief.” —The New York Observer "Witty, wise, and wicked! With tongue planted firmly in cheek, these savvy moms dispense some much needed comic relief about raising kids in our crazy culture."? --Dr. Harvey Karp, bestselling author of The Happiest Baby on the Block “The most inappropriate parenting book I've ever read. Loved it. The perfect book for any mother who wants to laugh instead of cry at those cringe-worthy moments and the universal indignities we experience on a daily basis.” --Jessica Seinfeld, bestselling cookbook author and founder of Baby Buggy “An antidote to the hostage situation that is modern parenting…subversive, delicious, and spit-out-your-latte funny.” --Pamela Druckerman, bestselling author of Bringing Up Bebe


Author : Aubrey Hargis
Publisher : Rockridge Press
Release : 2018-11-13
Page : 152
Category : Family & Relationships
ISBN 13 : 9781641521277
Description :


Toddler Discipline for Every Age and Stage offers practical, age-appropriate toddler discipline strategies for managing the everyday challenges of toddlerhood and guiding your child to becoming their best self. Toddlers are constantly changing, and they can easily become overwhelmed by it all. When faced with the meltdowns that toddlers are famous for, it can be difficult to know which toddler discipline techniques will best help your child grow into a stronger, kinder person. Toddler Discipline for Every Age and Stage delivers essential toddler discipline tools for dealing with day-to-day difficulties, and supporting your toddler as they learn the important lessons that will set them up for success. Written by child development expert Aubrey Hargis, Toddler Discipline for Every Age and Stage will help you understand your toddler's behavioral challenges while fostering important life skills such as curiosity, respect, independence, and confidence. Drawing on Aubrey's years of coaching parents through the rocky terrain of toddler discipline, as well as her own experience as a mother of two, Toddler Discipline for Every Age and Stage delivers proven toddler discipline techniques that will help you grow closer as parent and child during each stage of your toddler's first formative years. Inside the pages of Toddler Discipline for Every Age and Stage you'll find: An overview of your child's development--including physical, cognitive, and social-emotional--and how this affects their behavior. Age-appropriate toddler discipline strategies that will help you manage common behavioral issues by building upon each stage of progress. Helpful toddler discipline sidebars and tips for dealing with tricky situations, guidance on how best to communicate with your child, and advice from parents who've been there. While child development is not a linear process, Toddler Discipline for Every Age and Stage provides you with a practical, effective toddler discipline toolkit for navigating the ups and downs of your little one's toddlerhood and thereafter.


Author : Susie Allison
Publisher :
Release : 2020-09-22
Page : 224
Category : Family & Relationships
ISBN 13 : 9781943147854
Description :


You don't need to feel alone in parenting. You don't need to feel like you're failing. And you definitely don't need another parenting book filled with theoretical advice about theoretical children. You need actual parenting help from an actual parent. It's time to feel confident in your parenting. Susie Allison, creator of the massive online community Busy Toddler, is a breath of fresh air. With her humor and engaging personality, she helps parents find their footing, shift their perspective on childhood, and laugh at the twists and turns of parenting we all face. (Yes, it's ok that your child licked a shopping cart - they pretty much all do that.) In Busy Toddler's Guide to Actual Parenting, Susie gives the achievable advice she's known for around the world, from daily life and #beingtwoisfine to tantrums and tattling and teaching the ABCs. The book also includes 50+ of her famous activities that have helped thousands of parents make it to nap time-FYI, the popsicle bath is a game-changer. S usie shares real moments raising her three kids as well as her professional knowledge from eight years as a kindergarten and 1st grade teacher. Her simple and doable approach to parenting will leave you feeling so much better! Let Susie give you the actual parenting advice you need.


Author :
Publisher : DIANE Publishing
Release :
Page :
Category :
ISBN 13 : 1437981828
Description :



Author : Neil Gaiman
Publisher : Harper Collins
Release : 2009-10-06
Page : 352
Category : Juvenile Fiction
ISBN 13 : 0061972657
Description :


Neil Gaiman's perennial favorite, The Graveyard Book, has sold more than one million copies and is the only novel to win both the Newbery Medal and the Carnegie Medal. Bod is an unusual boy who inhabits an unusual place—he's the only living resident of a graveyard. Raised from infancy by the ghosts, werewolves, and other cemetery denizens, Bod has learned the antiquated customs of his guardians' time as well as their ghostly teachings—such as the ability to Fade so mere mortals cannot see him. Can a boy raised by ghosts face the wonders and terrors of the worlds of both the living and the dead? The Graveyard Book is the winner of the Newbery Medal, the Carnegie Medal, the Hugo Award for best novel, the Locus Award for Young Adult novel, the American Bookseller Association’s “Best Indie Young Adult Buzz Book,” a Horn Book Honor, and Audio Book of the Year.


Author : Jo Frost
Publisher : Ballantine Books
Release : 2014
Page : 300
Category : Education
ISBN 13 : 034554238X
Description :


The beloved and respected TV disciplinarian and star of the new TLC show "Family SOS with Jo Frost" outlines the five tenets of "disciplined parenting," which are the limits and routines parents need to have in place around sleep, food, play dates, early learning and manners. Original. 35,000 first printing.


Author : Dr Christopher Green
Publisher : Random House Australia
Release : 2014
Page : 437
Category : Child care
ISBN 13 : 1742759416
Description :


Dr Christopher Green's classic guide to your child's behaviour from 1 to 4. Toddler Taming has helped millions of parents over the years. Now this international bestseller has been completely revised and updated to offer friendly, practical advice to a new generation of parents. Many parents wonder how it is that their precious baby has suddenly changed into a tantrum-prone, heel-stomping toddler. The search for an answer can lead today's parents, with a click of the mouse, into a maze of conflicting advice, leaving them confused and their confidence in tatters. After watching childcare theories come and go, Dr Green has found that the crucial elements of raising happy toddlers don't change in line with the latest fad, but his focus has now widened to prevention as well as cure. After all, once you know how to anticipate a toddler's reaction, you are better prepared to steer your child towards a peaceful solution - and peace is often the most valued commodity in any house! With Dr Green's trademark mixture of humour and pragmatism, this new fully revised and updated Toddler Taming offers invaluable practical advice on all fronts, such as how to tackle: sleep problems tantrums potty training food issues playgroup and day care screen time and much, much more. Most of all, Toddler Taming instils confidence and brings the fun - and love - back into parenting.


Author : Peter Newell
Publisher : Franklin Classics
Release : 2018-10-12
Page : 54
Category :
ISBN 13 : 9780342663255
Description :


This work has been selected by scholars as being culturally important and is part of the knowledge base of civilization as we know it. This work is in the public domain in the United States of America, and possibly other nations. Within the United States, you may freely copy and distribute this work, as no entity (individual or corporate) has a copyright on the body of the work. Scholars believe, and we concur, that this work is important enough to be preserved, reproduced, and made generally available to the public. To ensure a quality reading experience, this work has been proofread and republished using a format that seamlessly blends the original graphical elements with text in an easy-to-read typeface. We appreciate your support of the preservation process, and thank you for being an important part of keeping this knowledge alive and relevant.


Author : Jonice Webb
Publisher : Morgan James Publishing
Release : 2012-10-01
Page : 250
Category : Self-Help
ISBN 13 : 161448242X
Description :


A large segment of the population struggles with feelings of being detached from themselves and their loved ones. They feel flawed, and blame themselves. Running on Empty will help them realize that they're suffering not because of something that happened to them in childhood, but because of something that didn't happen. It's the white space in their family picture, the background rather than the foreground. This will be the first self-help book to bring this invisible force to light, educate people about it, and teach them how to overcome it.